Myths About Adoption
WHAT ADOPTION PROFESSIONALS WILL TELL YOU
THE “LOVING OPTION”
You may have been told that if you love your baby you will give your baby for adoption. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Whoever has told you this is using your natural love for your child to obtain your child from you.
YOU are the best thing for your little baby and if you love your baby you will give YOU to your baby. YOU are your baby’s mother. YOU are who your baby wants and loves already, and the sacred bond between you should never be broken unless you pose some harm to your baby. Do you? No, of course you don’t then why would you give your very own child who loves you “as a gift” to someone else? They tell you that you will be “doing the best thing for your child”. THIS IS NOT TRUE.
You may have been told that keeping your baby would be selfish. THIS IS NOT TRUE. In order to keep your baby you will have to make sacrifices and work very hard…this is not selfish. What they are trying to do is make you feel that you are not good enough for your own baby so that they can have your baby. No mother who gives birth to her own child and mothers that child has ever been called selfish - except by the Adoption Industry.
You may have been told that you are too young. Yes, you may be young now, but in just a few years you will have grown and changed and you will not be young forever…….ADOPTION IS FOREVER.
GIVING YOUR CHILD AS A GIFT/DOING SOMETHING GOOD AND NOBLE AND BRAVE
You may have been told that giving your child as a gift to some “deserving” infertile couple would be a wonderful thing to do. THIS IS NOT TRUE. We do not give our children as “gifts”. A watch is a gift, not a baby. You may even have seen websites with babies with ribbons around them to make them look like “gifts”. Your baby is a human being, not a gift. You are not “doing something noble and wonderful” when you give your child for adoption. This is the Adoption Industry at work on you.
You are not doing something good and noble and brave ….the problems of infertile couples, although sad, have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU OR YOUR CHILD.
You may have been told that you do not have the financial resources to be a mother so you will be doing the right thing for your child by giving him or her to parents who already have a home and more money, but THIS IS NOT TRUE. More money has never made a happier child. This is the Adoption Industry at work on you. The truth is that there are financial resources available to you by the Government to help you raise your child. There are many community resources that will help you with clothing, baby needs and necessities for your child. There is help with housing and daycare services for single parents.
You may have been told that your child needs two parents. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Single parents succeed and thrive in our society. Also, your child already has two parents, and grandparents and extended family. Can they guarantee that the marriage of the adopters is stable…just because a couple has been married for a number of years, does not mean it is a happy stable marriage. Did you know that infertile couples divorce statistics are much higher than the average couple? Can they guarantee that the adopters will live long enough to parent your child? Can they guarantee that the adopters are not substance abusers? Can they guarantee that the adopters are not abusers? These are the kinds of secrets that stay in families. There are no such guarantees in adoption or in life. Many adopted children have ended up back in care because of these kinds of problems and many mothers have learned the truth much later and felt responsible for putting their child in harms’ way.
Keep in mind that the job of the Adoption Counsellor is to get you to agree to give your child for adoption. Their fees are based on completing adoptions. The adopters who want your baby because they can’t have a baby of their own. Now – Think….if they could have their own baby they would not want YOUR baby at all…. so why is your baby better off with them now?
You may have been told that you will not be able to continue your education, and go on with your life if you keep your own baby. THIS IS NOT TRUE. There are many programs for single parents who wish to continue with their education, and there is no reason why you cannot continue with your education with Daycare resources, financial resources, and with help from supportive friends and family. There are many ways to pursue your education whether you choose day school, a community organization, a school with daycare for mothers, correspondence courses or night school. An Academic or Guidance Counsellor at your present school can help.
You have probably NOT been told that surrendering mothers suffer for the REST OF THEIR LIVES with emotional problems such as Disenfranchised Grief, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the trauma of having their babies taken from them at birth. Did you know that 85% of relinquishing mothers suffer a Major Depression in their life and 60% never have another child?
You have probably NOT been told that adoptees suffer from attachment disorders, abandonment issues, disenfranchised grief,
identity issues, and are represented in patient populations in Psychiatry at a much higher rate than non adoptees.
You may have been told that this is an “Open Adoption” and that you can have ongoing contact with your child. This is a ploy to obtain your child from you. As part of the Adoption Industry tactics, they will make you feel that you are in control of the whole process …you are “choosing” the parents, you are “choosing” the level of contact etc. etc. BUT IT IS NOT TRUE.
Open Adoption legally means that each party knows who the other is…that the mother knows the identity of the people adopting, and the adopters know the identity of the mother. This is in contrast to “Closed Adoptions” where the identities were hidden from each party.
Once you have terminate your parental rights, all your legal rights end. It doesn’t matter what promises were made or what ceremonies you have, the adopters now have the right to close you out of your child’s life at any time they choose, not send you the pictures, and not let you send the gifts, not send the letters, not have the phone calls etc. … and the sad thing is that many do just that within the first two years.